After spending a bit more time on Facebook, I was introduced to this site . A fun, weird and sometimes creepy site where you upload a picture and then they do some face recognition scan and then match you to some celebrities. The images on top was my first try – dismayed at having more male celebrities on my look-alike list, I had to try again, with a smiley picture.

The results were a bit better (below), I remain a bit sceptical – but I cannot say it was not entertaining.

As I am trying to write this chapter on the history of online rp games, I realize that the main obstacle that is preventing my from being wholly productive is the question of origin. Each time I write something and move on, I realize that there is some more ‘back story’ that contextualizes the first statement. Without covering the entire history of technology, I know I must draw a line and acknowledge the line, and move on. But for some reason, it is alot harder than it would appear. I am struggling with definitions as well – online games seemed quite explicit to me in the beginning. But as I research the history, what has often been attributed to “online” I would actually define as “networked” since there is a very explicit line between closed university networks that these games were created in (almost simultaneously and quite oblivious to each other) and the shift in game design and audienc once the internet faciliated connectivity. How far back I go and within what definitions has been paralyzing me in a seemingly simple task of defining the linear history of gameplay, design and aesthetic…

On this note, I guess I should get back to work..

As I head into my last day of writing (this chapter WILL get done!), my mind has been elsewhere again (to no one’s surprise I am sure). In an effort to ‘clear the slate’, I figure I will rant a bit more before taking out the network card on my laptop and actually work without distraction (if only my house didn’t need cleaning!!)

Facebook has been somewhat of an obsessive compulsive habit over the last few days. I am still in a tug of war, love-hate relationship with it, and haven’t quite figured out what to do with it. First of all, I am going crazy thinking about myself in the third person. At the top of my profile page, it says “Kelly is …” and you fill in the blank as often as you would like – letting others who spend their day sporadically checking the site what you are up to. It has gotten to the point that the other night, while trying to falling asleep, all I could think of was bits and blurbs of “kelly is wishing she could fall asleep” and “kelly is tired of tossing and turning”. This went on for some time, seemingly out of my control, when at one point, I caught myself thinking “kelly is tired of thinking about herself in the third person”…

That is only the tip of the iceberg. I have been in constant contemplation about what Facebook is to me specifically. At first I think it was curiosity. A decent sociall experiment to think about – immersing myself in the process. But over the last two weeks I have been questioning whether I even want to participate in it anymore, and have been thinking about “Death of a Facebook Profile” post…

At first, I enjoyed building my friends list, which consisted mostly of colleagues and immediate friends. But the more time I am a member, I have been reunited with friends from the past. Some of the good reunions, others I hate to admit, I barely remember having much interaction with. (I was contacted by one friend through another – it took me a few days to place the name and how I knew her… then it hit me. In grade 1 & 2 [YES! grades 1&2!!!] I remember vaguely being friends with her, but what I remember the most was being incredibly jealous of her great 1970’s spiral pigtails!). She added me as a friend, and voila – a wordless reunion. But I haven’t spoken to her really, nor her with me. So then I started thinking about being invited to be one’s friend … what is the etiquette on rejecting a friend request from someone you actually knew at one point or another in your life? Is the point of Facebook really just collecting friends like Pogs or bottle caps??

The other thing I find incredibly awkward, and this may sound quite pretentious, and for that I apologize, but I am struggling with the mix of “groups” on my friends list. Like a high school party where half the people dont know the other half and no one mingles, I feel like my current friends list is becoming distinctly divided, serving different purposes for each group. And to be quite honest, I don’t know if I like this co-mingling of social groups. Facebook has been great in that I very recently have been reunited with some extended family members that I have lost touch with (and used to enjoy being with). But in light of some of their presence on my page (not just my family mind you), I feel that other things in my life now seem … well, a bit snobby for the lack of a better word. Complaining about my writing, talking about the condo we bought, and a bunch of other things that are acceptably mundane topics with my immediate circle of friends and colleagues – suddenly I feel like I am bragging, or something I cannot quite put my finger on.

But the fact remains, I am addicted to it only because it is in a constant state of change. People update their profiles and interact with each other and when I am looking for something to do (other than the work I SHOULD be doing), it is yet another distraction…and not necessarily a good one … I mean really – what do you do when the reunion is over? Most people just go home and wait another 15 years!

Just a quick rant to say that I hate when something breaks and there is no “contact us” information. Case in point – my blogger profile says it is unavailable, and that I should change my settings if I want it to be viewable. Problem is, it IS enabled (and has worked for over 400 views to date – probably all me checking to see if it works!!). When looking for help, I am pointed to forums where others complain of similar problems but offered no actual solution or explanation for the bug… so ya … I hate broken technology especially when there is no one to complain to.

A few days behind schedule, I am sitting here at my computer toiling away on writing a history of online role playing games. I am struggling alot more than I thought I would. Not because I don’t have ample notes, timelines and examples, but because I am all to aware of the social construction of history.

There was a time when history was truth to me. Factual; undisputable; it is what it is, cause history don’t lie. Like math and science, which are made up of numbers, and numbers don’t lie… History was what happened … events put down objectively on paper – ‘they’ told me so, and for a long time, I believed them.

But after too many sociology classes and many many conversations that introduced doubt on everything we “think” we know, I am all to aware that everything is constructed. Everything is contextualized and relative. History is nothing more than selective memory, from a particular point of view. Choices of what to include and what to exclude is based on relatively arbitrary decisions by the author or to be a little more objective, secondary constructed categories created outside of the author.

In the end – history should be more aptly titled “The History of America from a middle-upper class educated individual” or “The History of America from the point of view of someone who struggles to read and write” – Although both ‘histories’ could cover the same time period, and the same events, the socio-economic positions of the authors would set the histories worlds apart.

With this in my head, my constructed categories pre-determined, I am trying my best to detail an objective, uninfluenced history of times, events and artefacts that exist(ed) outside of who I am as an author.

I am oddly surprised, yet happy to say that I have been contacted by eMusic’s customer service and they/we have rectified my re-downloading woes. Seems they became aware of my blogpost and contacted me, regardless of their methods, I must say – I am pleased to get my tunes back.

A few things have been perculating in the recesses of my brain over the last few days and I figured I might as well blog them before they become larger distractions when I am actually trying to work.

iTunes, eMusic and other minuscule/majuscule words associated with online music. I must say, I am really not impressed these days. I have a fair amount of downloaded music that I purchased over the last few years and ignoring a few problems here and there (iTunes not letting me burn certain CD’s!!) I have been relatively satisfied. Two weeks ago, my usually net savvy daughter caved into a friend’s request to check out a site that she had a bad feeling about – sure enough within minutes, my laptop was filled with bugs, worms, trojans and other malicious pains in the backside. So I had to wipe my entire computer – the first time since I bought it in 2002. I THOUGHT I saved everything I had to, including my music but when I went to reload it from my memory key, the file was not there.

No problem I thought. As far as the hard copies that I actually own, altough time consuming, I can simply reload them. I figured I would be able to go to my eMusic account and re-download the tunes i bought in some sort of ‘purchase history’. Same for iTunes. Instead, when I logged into my accounts and tried to access the music I had purchased, I got a message that said something like “Purchases can only be downloaded one time. It is your responsibility to make back up copies of the music you purchase .. blah blah blah”. I have to say – I was/am furious. I don’t know how many times I’ve tried to burn a CD that I received a pop up that reminded me that this music could not be copied, distributed blah blah blah… (p.s. not all songs on my laptop’s iTunes was on my ipod…)

So now I sit here, missing a good half of my library that I already paid for. I have tried hard to play by the rules for my music, but I just feel that I have no other choice but to perhaps find another way to get it back. I mean, I’ve already paid for it. I don’t want to have to pay for it twice.

Now, the rational side of my brain is arguing back that if I had bought the physical tape, record or cd and lost or ruined it, the company would not be liable to replace it free of cost – but somehow, this feels different. In a way, I feel duped. I feel that I bought into the idea that digital is better, that my computer will keep everything neatly stored away. I know that we, as users of technology, are encouraged to make backups of everything – just in case – but for some strange reason, I cannot imagine making 1,015 back ups for my hard copies if I had bought them from the store…

Not sure when it becomes official, but my thesis has been submitted to the Office of Graduate Studies for binding.

It is very strange to put it to bed… walk away … to stop tweaking, thinking, mulling it over, obsessing about it. Luckily for me, I still have my PhD proposal to finish up – so it is never REALLY over.

So, I am in my early 30’s.. for some, it is “too old” for Facebook – and some of the criticism about the social networking site is that is has become a ‘youngens’ site. Most people who I know who teach mentioned that most of their “friends” have been their students…

Today, I had my first “friend” invite from a student for a class that I TA’d. I was not quite sure how to handle this. My daughter tried to explain to me that it’s all about having as many ‘friends’ as possible. I asked her why, but she couldn’t really articulate it, instead opting for the “just to show how cool you are” cop out (she admits that it’s a cop out since she has no ‘real’ answer “it’s just the way it is mom”…).

So, what is Facebook for? For who? I thought it was a way to keep in touch with people that weren’t on my messenger. Or for people that I can’t quite muster up an entire email – but still want to know what they have been up to. I admit, I have enjoyed getting messages from old friends from high school, but once the “oh my god – its been so long” has worn off – why am I on Facebook? And what do I do with an invitation from someone who I only know throw a class list?

I defended my MA thesis today – it went extremely well – dynamic interaction between committee members and there was a nice – supportive audience. I only have a few minor revisions, which will be done in a few days. I cannot believe that it is over – the last 4 years (Ugrad + Grad) have been working towards this moment. … /big heavy sigh of relief.