Calculations & Play Patterns

I have been reading this book over the last few days, and one of the characters is obsessed with plotting numbers of occurences and distances (related to the holocaust in his example) and correlating them to the result of a double dice role. Inspired by the game of roulette, he is convinced that by using these numbers, there is come greater calculation that will prove that there is no such thing as randomness in the universe, therefore proving that all events in the world are potentially predictable; including the holocaust, and other genocides past and future.

The thing is, he hasnt quite figured out what the actual mathematical calculation will be (at least not at the part of the book that I am currently at), and he believes that as long as he is collecting the relevant data, rolling his dice and keeping track of it all in mountains of notebooks, the calculations will reveal themselves (organically so to speak) when there is enough data to figure out the answer. A form of mathematical grounded theory you could say, which will, he hopes, answer specific philosophical questions about time, space and the human form.

As his theories (and most of the book) is driven by the game of roulette, (misconceived) notions of chance and patterns of probability, it got me thinking alot about play patterns in repetitive (video) gameplay, and how, with the right amount of cumulated data on recorded play sessions of players, one could map out individualized play(er) biographies. What purpose they would serve? At this point, I cannot imagine it being more than sociological curiosity, but somehow, I have this nagging feeling, that – like the character in my book – if I collect the data, code it by emerging elements from within the data and file it away, patterns would emerge and gain meaning.  

Experience or Artefact?

Having been driven by my own experiences for the last few years, it somehow feels artificial to try and find the ‘next’ game to play to work on. One of the things that I struggled with was (and still is) defining the scope of my work. I keep struggling with the question of whether I am researching games, or people who play games, or the experience of playing those games. Working with EverQuest (and drawing on my other MMORPG experiences in Dark Age of Camelot, LineageII, Horizons & World of Warcraft) the focus was always about the relationship between the player (basically me) and the game, and the unique elements of the gamespace that influenced the networked process of identity construction.

Now that the primary ideas from that project have been written down (but by no means completely wrapped up) I am not sure what to do. Since the research developed somewhat organically from experiences that were not clouded with a research question behind every click and interaction, the direction it took felt natural. But now that I am supposed to be moving on, trying to figure out what is next, I cannot imagine ‘picking a game’ to play based on a set of research criteria to seek answers to the questions that came out of my thesis. It feels forced.

I am still passionate about finding the answers (or developing answers) to the questions that linger, but I am unsure of how to unearth them in a way that does not feel like I am setting up the labratory to find what I am looking for. I mean, how is selecting a game based on your research questions any different than the lab coat research I am so critical of?

Cerise Magazine

A group of women (and a guy) put together an interesting monthly online magazine called Cerise. I am hoping that the content and contributions will push the current state of writing on girls and games. From their mission statement:

At its core, Cerise is a resource by and for women gamers. We are dedicated to increasing the voices of underrepresented identities in the game develop industries and in gamer communities.

…

Although gender is the foremost focus of Cerise, we are dedicated to creating an inclusive space for individuals of all identities traditionally underrepresented in the mainstream, and for our allies who support our movement to increase our presence and representation in the game industry.

Reading Karma

Last night, as I searched for another book to read – avoiding the theory shelves and work related titles, I reached down to the lower shelf and took out two books; Gibson’s Virtual Light (my former advisor was always astounded that I have read very little Gibson given my field of study…) and James Flint’s Habitus. After looking at both books, the first hardcover, the second paperback – I decided to read Habitus.

I remember buying this book right around the time I was reading Bourdieu and the opening quote is from Deleuze… how could a girl go wrong. It’s been a few years…What I didn’t realize when I decided to read it was how well it fit into the flow of ideas set up by my last two readings and my overall general knowledge. In the opening chapters, Habitus sets up one of the main characters in relation to Alan Turing, Colossus and the mechanical replacement of human computers. While the concepts of thermodynamics and negative entropy introduced in the second beginning quote were two concepts developed in the last two books I read.

And finally, given the task of writing a history of online role-playing games recently, the following quote from the book seems quite apropos in retrospect:

And, If we want to write history, we have to pull together at least three different kinds of time: the reversible time of clocks and mechanics, all to do with cogs and levers; then the irreversible time of thermodynamics, born of fire; and finally the time of what is called ‘negative entropy’, which is what gives rise to singularities.
‘History no longer flows the way we once thought.’
‘A small world history of work in three acts, three times, three figures, three states of matter, and three words which are in fact only one, by Pia, the flying doctor!’
                                                                              Michel Serres, Angels

Wardrobe Issues

As a student and mother of two, alot of my time is spent at home; reading, writing, or doing domestic stuff. With grad classes a once a week thing, and thesis writing a complete at-home task, I added more and more ‘comfort’ clothes to my wardrobe. My partner and children have commented over the winter how my style has fallen to the wayside in favor of yoga pants and hoodies. I always pshawed them, and pointed to the pile of jeans, tshirts and dress pants sitting on top of my dresser.

For Mother’s Day, I asked for a clothesline so that I could hang out the washing (oh my! … i can’t even justify that without an economic or very ‘mom’ like comment… bah! fresh scent of the city sun!! I did get a great range/speed booster wireless router for mothers day as well). Only today, as I hung out a load of dark clothes (almost all we own in this house between the four of us) did I realize that I really do own too many pairs of yoga pants, and the matching black hoodies are almost embarrasing to hang out for all to see! Which makes me wonder, does anyone else in my alleyway scrutinize the array of hanged laundry, trying to picture who lives where and just how stylish they are? Or is it just me?

The Question of Community

As I try to get my head into the work-space necessary to get the research done for our AoIR paper, I am faced with the question of community. Last week, I had attended the Spirit of Inquiry conference, and the word community was flung about quite liberally, often to the point that the word had lost it’s meaning – at least to me … a sociologist.  I had attended panels that talked about digital tools that would foster community, only to find out that by community, they really only meant grouping … of subjects… in a library/search engine sort of way.

Another panel suggested that online interactive participation could create community among students – bang on I thought (precisely the point of our upcoming paper) – but they meant it in the context of a one time, online activitity among students that studied at a distance .. where students help each other navigate through the online space, creating a “community” … not quite sure of this definition, but the experience made me think, that while there are MANY different notions of community, and that notion is even muddier for some when thinking about online spaces, I realized that in order to move forward, we would need to define the notion of community – at least in the context of what it is we will be attempting to achieve during the presentation. I guess here is as good a place to start as any!

The Joy of Fiction

It has been a few years since I curled up and enjoyed a fiction novel. The last few years have been filled with stuff related to my research interests and theory coursework. Yesterday, after looking at the Coupland book sitting on my entrance table, I decided to pick it up, and settle in. I forgot how much fun it was to read a book cover to cover in one sitting. How fun it was to read the story of someone else’s life, in rich, entertaining detail. But most of all, I forgot how much fun it was to read something that made you think about things that you may have otherwise not thought about. Coupland’s book made me think about my own cooky extended family, and how they made me what I am today – whether I want to admit it or not. The generalizable in each unique story was comforting. I forgot about the life lessons and deep philosophical questions an author sneeks into their candid words. I realized that not everything had to be written in long convoluted, sentences written in exagerrated language to make you think. I forgot how fun fiction was.

Public & Private: Beyond the Web

Surely the web is an ambiguous space to think about the line between public and private. For many, the ‘public’ space of the world wide web is often accessed through very private quarters – a living room or one’s bedroom. The comment posted on my last public/private rant is well worth the read, as it offers a few nuggets to ponder on generation & technology issues.

But as I sit outside of my newly purchased ground floor apartment (I always feel weird calling it a condo), looking over my whopping 1300 sq ft of what will someday become my enclosed little piece of inner city heaven, I am reminded that people can’t even figure out the difference between public and private in their everyday lives. We negotiated quite harshly to own the small swatch of land behind our apartment; to have sole ownership of the currently desolate parking area that will someday – hopefully soon – become our yard. A yard where my daughters and I can relax on a freshly built patio while their father barbecues dinner. Maybe even looking at some greenery thanks to the thumbs of my friends.

At the moment, there is no fence to clearly distinguish the line of public property of the alleyway and the private property of our ‘yard’. Perhaps thats why everyone and their uncle feels that they’ve struck inner city parking gold when they spot space for 4 cars!  It iritates me to no end. Not only because it is our PRIVATE property, not only because the driveway is sinking and we can only park on certain spots for any period of time – but also because of the lack of respect for someone else’s property. When I encounter someone unlocking their door, their attitude to me (usually before I can say much of anything) is “yea yea, I was just leaving”. But that’s not the point really. I am often tempted to ask for their house address, just in case I need free parking when/if I am in their neighborhood. I cannot imagine how any of these massive SUV owners (currently, it is usually SUV’s who park here since street parking must be hell for a boat) would feel if I pulled up to their fancy pants house in the suburbs, and casually parked my Echo in their driveway for a few hours without any word to them. Something tells me it would result in a hefty towing charge.

For now, I am resigned to leaving bold type-faced letters on people’s windshields, informing them that it is private property, but all I really want is for people to understand the difference between public and private space. Maybe I am asking too much.

The Battle Between Public & Private

After many conversations over the last three years about blogging, I am reminded again about the lines between public and private online. This is not a new dilemna. The news is riddled with stories about “private” spaces online; as is an entire section of digital research. But as someone who maintains an online space, the battle between public and private is an ongoing and sometimes seemingly uphill one. I started blogging as an attempt at articulating ideas that were inspired by my undergraduate classes. I was hoping for some sort of public response to what I was thinking – hoping to engage in debates that would further an idea or send me in a different direction.

After about a year of blogging and perhaps a total of 15 comments, my blogging style changed and became a lot more anecdotal, often offering tidbits of my personal life without naming names or specifying locations. But eventually, as bits and pieces of information were divulged, a personal ‘professional’ bio included, my online space had become linked to my personal space. I even had an old friend email me after 12 years, saying that he had read my blog and put all the pieces together to figure out it ‘must’ be me.

What is interesting to me now, three years later, is that I am often torn that I cannot retract what has been put out there. Yes, I can go back and delete my posts. Delete the blog and fold up shop. But somehow, that seems counter-intuitive to what I have done over the years. To what I feel I have accomplished through this space – and maybe I should spend some time trying to articulate exactly what that is. As I spend more time online, as my research and interests meld into my passtimes and hobbies, I am finding the line between public and private content harder to see. What I think is an interesting issue to blog and think about is often tied up in knots with my personal life and other people.

So, what is my solution? To let the blog go? To solely post informative links relating to “work”? What bothers me the most is that even when I am trying to stay ‘professional’ and distanced, what I choose to blog, and who and what I choose to link is as telling in terms of my personal and perhaps private being as it is a proclamation of a very public self.