Digital Conversations Turns 10!

In six days …. my first post was January 19th, 2004…. so very strange! Some years I blogged more than others and as time went on, the content and tone changed (evolved?), but ten years have passed nonetheless! I created this blog using Blogspot (really liked the ability to change the back-end easily) but eventually got swayed by the shiny coat that was/is WordPress. Blogging – and mine specifically – has changed a lot in the last 10 years (a quick google search will give you tons of ‘histories of blogging’, some more thoughtful than others).

I started this blog as a way to think through and ramble on about almost everything ranging from grappling with course content as an undergrad, negotiating the generation gap between myself and my fellow classmates (often a good 10 years) to complaining about getting carded at the liquor store despite my age and sharing cocktail recipes. It feels surreal to go through my archives and read things that I’ve written, no matter how frivolous, and realize that those are my words on the screen, preserved like a picture in an old photo album, are mine. So. very, strange.

Goals not Resolutions: Plotting Out (and fretting about) The New Year

2013 is almost over, and while it was not a bad year, the promise of a ‘clean slate’ that the New Year brings is almost always welcome. Of course, it is not all roses and unicorns (or is that glitter and unicorns.. would glitter even be considered a good thing!?). January starts off with a bit of a mixed bag of emotions as my oldest daughter leaves for a year in Australia on Jan. 26th. While I am extremely excited for her, as a mom who is extremely good friends with her girls, it will be heart-wrenching to see her go. The house will be quiet with both girls gone (and no, we will not be getting a dog …). On that note, I admit I have never been as thankful for the advances in global communications technology as I am in this moment, knowing we can Skype and email each other while she is away.

With my maternal duties have all but been put on hold (besides my eternal love and support), it is the first time since I’ve entered academia (I went back to university in 2002, when my girls were 8 and 12) that I will not have to think about being home in time to make dinner, or to try to read and write around the schedules of my children. Just as well, since I have two co-authored book chapters due in March. It will be interesting to see if I can figure out how to actually wholly focus on my work. My colleagues have always laughed when I told them that I cannot work in silence.. it puts me to sleep! I went through all three degrees with the TV and/or radio (or video games) blaring in the background, and my work space was in the living room until midway through my PhD (figured if I had to “working” at least I was physical visible and available for them). During the last bit of my PhD, I worked through the night, freeing up more time in the day for family responsibilities. But from January 26 to December 6th, the only person I will have to worry about (in a manner of speaking) is myself – and if I am being nice, my partner come meal times. In February I get to plan my partner’s 40th birthday party. Never quite sure what to do for his birthday, but I think this milestone should be celebrated if only by (finally) getting him an HDTV to game on so he can stop squinting at the minuscule words on the old picture tube television I have in my office.

That brings me to the end of March. It is so strange (and extremely unsettling) to not have any clue what comes after March 31st (besides April 1st ….). As mentioned in my last post, there was comfort in knowing what year after year had in store for me while I was in school. There was comfort in knowing that January, May and September marked the start of a new semester. My funding was also relatively stable so I could plot out what conferences I could attend. These days, it’s all so up in the air that every time a call for papers comes out I get anxiety – wanting to submit, but not having any idea if I can actually attend. But there are a handful of conferences that I will definitely try to attend this year like the Canadian Game Studies Association annual conference “in St. Catharines, Ontario, on May 28 and 29, in conjunction with the Congress of the Humanities & Social Sciences”, DiGRA which will be held in Snowbird, Utah August 3-6th, and of course IR15 (AoIR’s annual conference) in Bangkok this October. Those three alone will probably bust my current annual salary but hey – at this stage of my career, networking is half the work! That being said, I also have a few pending job applications out for review – and that can mean anything can happen. I spread my applications far and wide, so who knows what continent I will be on come fall.

Of course, in terms of fitness goals for 2014, I still have my Spartan Race season pass that the company honored from last year (silly me under-trained last year and suffered a stupid season ending injury). The first race of the Spartan season (for me) is May 18th … not much time to get my act together and get back into *finishing* shape (I run these races for *fun* and personal challenge – I would be silly to say *compete* but I digress). It is hard because so many of my racing friends are signing up for all the races, Spartan, Mud Hero, Prison Break, and so many more – and I sit on the fence, being out of shape again, but mostly because I have no clue where I will be when the races roll around.

So that’s my year in a nutshell. More waiting, wondering and working towards finding stability again. But looking around me, I know that life is pretty good regardless. So while I rant and ramble on about not knowing what the future holds, I know there are worse things in life!

So – all that to say. My Goals for 2014:

  • not cry too much when my baby leaves for Australia
  • organize a 40th bday party for my partner (even though he’s not a big party guy)
  • write two kick-ass chapters with my co-authors
  • complete my Spartan trifecta come hell or high water and maybe get a Mud Hero and Prison Break race under my belt this year
  • keep applying for and hope to get an academic job in my field
  • attend at least 3 conferences

 

Post-PhD: The Liminal Academic

That liminal, ‘in-between’ stage can sometimes be a very fantastic place to be. I love taking the train when I travel because I’ve always loved that feeling of being in between where I left and where I was going. I loved that “liminal” feeling when I was a student. There was a freedom in that in-between stage of what/who I was before I went back to university, and becoming what I was working towards. Finishing the PhD was one of the most exhilarating and scary things I have ever done (short of raising two human beings!). After the defense, there was such a sense of accomplishment; of reaching the end of something big. But what that end really meant was the beginning of something new all over again.

For some, the transition between PhD and professional life is an smooth one. Perhaps they have a teaching position lined up or have successfully applied for a post-doc. But for others, that post-phd phase is a scary, bottomless vat of unknown. A full time job of sifting through grant and job applications, searching beyond ones area of expertise and desired geographical locations as well as contemplating employment opportunities outside of academia proper that are at least related to the focus of the last 10 years… Suddenly, liminality is no longer a space of freedom and unbridled opportunity. Added to trying to find one’s place in the academic world, the post-phd/pre-employment liminal period of academic life gets filled up with self-directed (and often unpaid) projects and events aimed at staying in-the game, maintaining connections with colleagues, keeping up that intellectual momentum until something comes through.

And I believe it will. During a recent lunch chat with my phd advisor, he reminded me that it is all about timing. Keep at it, and when the timing is right, someone, somewhere will be looking for exactly what I have to offer. But even though I believe that good things will happen, I am a bit more uncomfortable with liminality without a specific destination in sight.

A few Good Conferences …

Tis the season … for call for papers! If you are studying, researching or simply interested in Game Studies, check out the cfp for DiGRA 2014 Filling in the Blanks of Game Research to be held at the Snowbird Ski & Summer Resort in Snowbird, Utah, August 3-6, 2014 and the local Game History Annual Symposium: Cultural history of video games being held at the beautiful Grande Bibliotheque in downtown Montreal – both fantastic conferences in great locations.

Speaking of great locations, if you are interested in Internet Research, check out call for papers for the Association of Internet Researcher’s annual conference IR15: Boundaries and Intersections to be held in Bangkok in October 2013.

Research & Thoughts on Handheld (& Mobile) Gaming

I recently contributed to a journal submission with a few colleagues (now in review) and I was tasked with fleshing out a section on game studies (with a specific goal mind you). Writing a bit on mobile gaming (and more specifically handheld devices such as the Nintendo DS), I was taken aback about how little I could find. Of course, after we submitted the manuscript, Samuel Tobin‘s book Portable Play in the Everyday was available as a free download at Palgrave (Pivot titles). I must say, I am very much enjoying it. It is nice to see research on mobile gaming (and not just ‘apps’ on phones etc) that looks at the who what why how and where people play mobile games. I especially like the idea that mobile gaming is pervasive in our everyday lives, played in the liminal moments of life instead of being the prime activity front and center. An activity that often fills the gaps between happenings. Reading through some of the examples of the book, I find myself nodding in agreement as I think about my partner borrowing my daughter’s DS when he drives me to do groceries. He hates shopping of any sort, so he sits in the car and waits for me while he plods away playing the DS. The game is (often) irrelevant – the goal is not to finish a level or mission, but to fill the gap while waiting for time to pass until it

This is in complete contrast to the ways we normally think about gaming. A console confines the player to a certain time and space. When turning the console on, it is with the goal to log in and play a game (of course this can be argued the more and more our consoles are being redesigned as multi-functional multimedia devices). Of course, it could be argued that playing a console game can also be a means to pass the time between two events – but more often than not, the act of playing a game on a console (or pc ..) is the activity in and of itself.

Another interesting point that Tobin makes is that many DS players don’t consider their DS play as ‘gaming’ in the same sense as one would think of console or pc gaming, making it more of a challenge to research who is playing mobile games, why, when and how much. I am not done the book yet (I have a few books on the go – making my attention span a bit wobbly). But I look forward to reading more about handheld gaming.

Also, if ‘social, casual and mobile’ games is your thing, there is a “Call for Chapters: Social, Casual, Mobile: Changing Games (Edited book collection)” but hurry, deadline for abstracts (500 wrds) is Dec 6th, 2013!

When Did I Get a Fear of Blogging !?

I have been blogging more or less for almost ten years. Some years more than others of course. Every time I hear or read something interesting, I think to myself ‘oh, I should blog about that’ – and the draft posts in my dashboard is full of half-written blog posts about thoughts, ideas and opinions about almost everything. So why have I not published anything (especially anything of any substance) in a while? Well, after a conversation with a colleague yesterday, I think I’ve figured out the “why”. You see, I started this blog as an undergraduate. It was a place that I could ramble on about things that I didn’t understand, or work through understanding some theory or other, I shared reading notes and opinions on different aspects of my gaming experience, and even divulged curious thoughts about my personal life. I had no problem sharing what was in my head.

But the further along in my academic career I had gotten, the more and more I have become aware of what goes online stays online; colleagues and prospective employers search online to find out more about each other. Opinions are formed. With PhD in hand, I realize that I have increasingly become afraid of misinterpreting a book or theory and sharing that misinformed knowledge with the world. I have become nervous about ‘oversharing’ aspects of my personal life that I once found funny or curious because ‘you never know who is reading’ and how it will be perceived. 

For me, blogging used to be an informal outlet for my random thoughts and jibberish, but as I get older and work the job market, I am more and more apprehensive about blogging about almost anything beyond newsworthy links and practical information. In the end, I’ve realized that the further along in my ‘career’ I’ve become, the less apt I am to share openly what is on my mind. I am realizing that there was freedom in being a ‘young’, green academic. I could say what came to the top of my head; ramble on about what X author made me think about, play with making connections – putting it out there to see what others thought and helped me think through things. But now, I am afraid of getting it wrong; of writing a rambling post on my thoughts on actor-network-theory and avatars and have someone tell me that I got it wrong. That thats now how it works, or worse yet, a prospective employer googling my as they review my application and stumbling upon a post that makes them think “hm, this lady doesn’t have a clue about X or Y” … And so, I realize that I have been blogging ‘safely’ – which most often ends up not at all. 

Which brings me back to a question that Bart Simon asked me way back when I first started blogging -what is blogging to me? why am I blogging? Who am I blogging for? and What do I want to get out of blogging on a public platform? – I think it’s time I review my answers on these questions and see where it takes me as I try to move forward in (re)establishing my “digital presence” (this wasn’t even a thing when I started blogging!! – gah! Having to think about my image and ‘digital presence’ ugh!! lol) 

Online Presence, Old Blogs and Overhaulin’

On Thursday night, Thorsten Busch, Lina Eklund and Jennifer Whitson and I participated in an informal panel on “Coping with Academic Drama“. There was a great turn out, and I was really pleased with both the advice and discussion that ensued. One of the last things we touched on was online/digital presence, and it got me thinking. While my blog has been around for many years, I’ve come to realize that it is time for a complete overhaul of both aesthetics and content. I miss blogging, even though it has changed a lot over the years, but I realize that so have I. This blog started out as a space for myself as an undergrad to ramble on about being a full time student, parenting and grappling with the new world of academic thinking and social theory. But now that I am finished my PhD, while I still grapple with theory (who doesn’t?!), and on the job market, I have been rethinking my blog, the links it points to and how it does (or does not) reflect who I am both personally and professionally. So with that, I think it is time for a complete overhaul. So please, bear with me through the changes – and with any luck, I will get back to using this space to share my (often gibberish) thoughts, interesting links and notable goings-on both locally and online.

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Next Up On The Reading List: Kittler

I was going to read Zizek’s The Parallax view (since it was the third book bought at the same time as the other two) – but after reading a handful of pages, I realized my head just wasn’t into it. I need to be in the right frame of mind to read Zizek, as much as I love his work.

So – poking around my bookshelf of the many “to read” titles that have been collecting dust, I stumbled upon Kittler’s Gramophone, Film, Typewriter. I am only in the Translator’s Introduction, but so far am quite happy at how it connects to the last two books I’ve read in terms of media & tech history. While I have never been a big fan of psychoanalysis (or Lacan), I am a closet structuralist fan, and quite look forward to seeing what Kittler has to say, and how it fits in with the rest of what I have been reading.  “Not a Review” to come.

Random Thoughts on ‘Always Already New: Media, history and the data of culture’

Finished reading Lisa Gitelman’s Always Already New: Media, history and the data of culture a few days ago. I have to say, I was quite pleased with it on a few levels. First of all, I bought in at the same time as Hayles’ How We Think. It was completely haphazard – I love Hayles’ work, and Gitelman’s book was recommended to me by a colleague – so it was much to my delight that in the opening pages, Gitelman discusses Hayles’ work – and wraps the book up with thoughts on the digital humanities.

Other than happy connections, I really liked how Gitelman set up the direction of the book. Interesting, clear and pretty to the point that history is not absolute; that it can be told from many perspectives and can (and often should) be cognate of the peripheral contexts that contribute to creating that history. The ‘example’ chapters were really interesting – I never knew that the phonograph was originally invented as a dictation/playback object. As a sociologist, it made me a bit warm and fuzzy to read about the social forces that shaped it into a musical device. Of course, I know that social and economic elements impact/influence/shape the form and function of objects, but often, history tries to be “about the facts” in a way that does no account for the nuanced ways that history is shaped. Indeed, Gitelman talks about the difficulty in tracing such histories of  technologies (and objects), since often, it was only the ‘facts’ and milestones that were documented – not the subverted appropriation of the object over time until it is fully re-purposed as was the case of Edison’s phonograph.

I admit to being a bit confused heading into the section on ‘The Question of the Web” as she began with a part on the materiality of card stock and bibliographic content as ‘proof’ that could be constitutionally protected (referring to the 1968 court case of United States v. O’Brien and the burning of a draft card). But as I read along into the transition of digital copies, then digitally created content, I had my “hmmm … aha!” moment I enjoy so much when reading. The last section on the book focused on ARPANET and the development of the web… at first I was a bit ‘oh no, not this … again … ‘ but Gitelman brought be back by focusing not on the technological development (that I’ve read more times than I care to count) but on the process of documenting the process of development.

Overall, I really enjoyed the book – there were a few passages that I marked with a sticky tab for future reference – I would definitely recommend it for a good, thoughtful weekend read.