Conference Time

I am heading off today (well, tomorrow since I have not been to bed yet) to Ottawa, ON (Canada) to present work on new material with a colleague (and great co-author) Shanly Dixon at the Canadian Game Studies Association annual meeting. We get the hot spot for presenting – the session just before the wine and cheese =) Usually a well attended time slot given the social nature of a good conference.

While we have been working on this presentation for the last two months, and have done alot of reading, note taking and ethnography, I am still extremely anxious to actually stand up and talk. From the ridiculous “what the heck should I wear” to the paranoia infused “what if they think I’m an idiot!”, the stress of any pre-conference usually manifests itself in some of the strangest ways (from hives to verbal repitition).

So, it’s off I go to continue to tweak our presentation – torturing my wonderful co-author with last minute questions and doubtful rebuttals. But I must say, of all the jobs I have had, regardless of my persistant fear of public speaking (which I am told I hide quite well), I would still not want to do anything else!

Random Dissertation Thoughts

I had my first full-on thesis proposal/comprehensive exam meeting on Thursday. All in all, it went relatively well. Ok – to be honest, it was a lot better than I had expected, and only have some minor tweaking on my actual proposal, and a decent-sized (but very doable) edit on my secondary comp paper. One of the things I thought I had squared away was my ‘research method’, as methods is something that I have an interest in; probably drilled into me by all my methods courses [and a few others] that always challenged us on why the methods we are choosing are necessarily the best ones to get the research task at hand done. Justification of method indeed.

So, for my doctoral research, I am working with a theoretical framework that I developed in my MA which attempts to define the necessary relationships that occur in order for a “hybrid” identity to be formed (an identity that belongs neither wholly to the player, nor the player-character on screen, but an identity that exists between them that is developed through the gameplay and other elements). I am now using this framework as a template to evaluate the process of identity construction in various genres of video games that are necessarily distinct from MMO’s. One of the goals here is to evaluate in which ways my framework (developped through mmorpg play/study) changes based on the type of game being played (and all the things that go with it), which ultimately leads to varying processes and forms of identity. I will not get into the “why” just yet, but that being said, I had chosen my research methods quite stringently, based on my sociological training of course.

Since my work relies heavily on my pre-existing framework, the analysis will be based on both the framework and personal gameplay experience (of character development, player choices etc) along with more technical elements (game design elements). One thing I never thought of though, coming out of sociology – is to record all of my gameplay. However, my advisor (from a cinema department) uses recorded gameplay extensively – and it makes sense for the research/work that he does. I just never thought about using it myself. At first, I could not imagine what use it would be other than to document the fact that I did it, and on some levels, the “play experience” analysis will not be ‘obvious’ through the recording. However, the more I think about it – the more I am thinking about anthropology and not film studies [perhaps a mental block … perhaps lack knowing any better]; the more I think that it could be an interesting project on a personal level to record my gameplay, to track the development of expertise through gameplay, and how that influences my framework (something I hadn’t even thought of as part of my overall project).

To be honest, the more I think about it, the more excited I am! If only I can get through the next week (conference prep, out of town company and a heavy workload at EA), I am really excited to start working on this!! (Always a good thing when it comes to your dissertation ;-)).

Oh – and for my colleagues who already record their gameplay, any equipment suggestions (brand, etc.) I know I need a dvd recorder, but any suggestions from those in the know would be great!

Striking the (im)Perfect Balance

I have always said that I work much better when I am busy. Give me all the time in the world to focus on only one thing, and I garantee you that I will end up failing miserably. Load my plate to the point of barely being able to think, and I hum along at a wondrous pace.  At least that is how it has been since I went back to university in 2002. At the time, I had a part time (24 hours a week) desk job in an office, took a full course load (5 classes) and managed to keep my 2 kids relatively clean and happy. After a year of that, I dropped the office job and kept the full course load and kids (some things you just can’t change /wink). After I finished my BA and moved into my MA, I started doing research assistanships with my advisor at the time. It was a great balance to work, school and family. Since “work” (the RAship) and “school” were tightly related, it really just felt like more schoolwork. Kids … still clean(ish) and relatively happy.

In my first year of my PhD, I didn’t do anything except take classes, read and maintain family life (some would say that is enough). With my oldest daughter fast approaching graduation (this June!), and my youngest firmly planted in Jr. High family maintenance a lot less demanding than when I first started university in 2002. So, I thought, perhaps it was time – finishing up my 2nd year of the PhD to start “working” again. This time, I ventured outside of the academy, but related in field – I took a job at EA here in Montreal, working with their play-test/focus group team. In many respects – and especially on paper – this job is a match made in heaven. I get to do qualitative research, coupled with learning how to understand the technical demands of making video games, the offices are fantabulous, and so are those I get to work with. Since my research – and more than likely my ‘life’s work’ surrounds video games, it is technically the best “job” in the world outside of the academy for me.

However, lately I have been struggling with finding that balance between school, work, and family again. When working as an RA – it was a challenge, but it was so closely related to my research, that the work flowed into each other. With this job, while the topic and method is similar, there is a jarring disjunction between the work I have to be doing for my thesis proposal and research, and the weekly play sessions and report writing. I am trying – struggling – to find that balance. I accept that it may not be a harmonious balance – all I am looking for is the ability to manage my time and work in a way that doesn’t diminish the quality of any of the three things that are most prominent in my life. Is it at all possible? I don’t know. But I guess no one has ever died trying. (and is someone has, please don’t tell me about it!)

Take Note & Tune In: WOXY’s Modern Rock 500

Every year, WOXY does a modern rock 500 countdown, well worth the listen – so take note of the dates and enjoy!

START YOUR ENGINES! We are revving up for the 20th Modern Rock 500, our annual countdown of the greatest modern rock, alternative and indie music ever recorded. This year, the 500 moves to the WOXY Vintage Channel, airing in 4 easy-to-listen weekday segments of 125 laps per day. We wanted to run this years 500 at a time when most people would be able to hear it: during the day, during the week.

To long time listeners, you know what this is about. For newcomers, get ready to enjoy hearing some of the best of the best that WOXY has had to offer in over 25 years as The Future of Rock and Roll.

The Modern Rock 500 will air:
Tues, May 26 @ 9am #500 – 376
Weds, May 27 @ 9am #375 – 251
Thurs, May 28 @ 9am #250 – 126
Friday, May 29 @ 9am #125 – 1

Plus, after each segment concludes, we will immediately repeat it to give listeners two chances to hear that days portion of the countdown. Shiv, Joe, Bryan Jay and myself are excited to continue our annual tradition for music lovers everywhere, so please join us for the Modern Rock 500 countdown on WOXY Vintage.

If you are unable to catch the live coverage, the entire 500 broadcast will be archived for your on-demand listening. Take a listen to last years countdown.

Dead Ipod

I was against getting one. I hate(d) itunes (why, with three ipods in the house can we not have separate libraries!!!). But, back in 2005, when a good friend of mine offered to get me one (actually 2; a 30g first gen ipod video and an 8g first gen mini in black lacquer and apple green) at his company price – which was 50% off of cost at the time, I decided to push my generic MP3 player aside and took the plunge.

So, today, after all the rough and tumble my ipod video has gone through over the last 4 years, I dropped it in my bedroom (hardwood floors) and the screen went dark. I spent a long time trying to get it to work; did all of the button pushing combos that have worked in the past,  but this time, to no avail. The only thing that happened when plugged into the wall, my stereo or laptop is that the screen turns bright white (and blank) and if I pay attention, there is a grinding click click noise.

So – where does this leave me? The price of an ipod has dropped drastically for more capacity over the last 4 years. I can get a 120g ipod classic for $279 …. my 30g at the time was $300+ retail. I can move on up and get an itouch or something fancier… or leave apple all together and get some other fancypant mp3 player… my phone needs an upgrade (love my blackberry pearl, but I don’t take care of my tech toys well – i treat ’em like any other object in my life – meant to be used – and its all scratched, the battery cover is loose…). Or do I get a nano, even though I dont really like them, but they are cheap(er) and small…. Something tells me I will end up with the ipod classic in the name of nostalgia (or is it fear of change?!)  – almost like buying a new hamster that “looks” like the one that just passed away (I can’t believe I just used that analogy, given the untimely death of our hamster only 2 months ago)… but ya … ipod classic – out of convenience …

Rethinking, Restructuring, Rewriting

I am in the process of rewriting a paper that I had written last semester for a course. The final paper wasn’t my best work, although it fulfill the course’s requirements. There are a few nuggets worth saving though, and this is where the work really begins. It is one thing to edit a paper, to cut irrelevant or dangling bits out here and there; to fix grammar and reword sentences, but in this case, I need to cut out over half of the paper (for reasons I will not get into here today). The challenge, as I see it, is that the way I originally wrote the paper (perhaps the way we all write papers), the core argument of the paper flows from the introduction onwards. Each section feels necessary to make my point. In the end, I have to completely rethink what it is I am (was) trying to say and restructure it so that it makes sense with 50% of the argument missing. The task is proving alot harder than I originally thought, and am now completely simply starting again, one fresh, blank screens. This whole addition by substraction thing is drving me crazy!One piece of advice that was given to me by a colleague yesterday was to simply cut out the bits of words (sentences, paragraphs) that I like – regardless of the overall structure and work from there. So onward and out, that is my task today before heading off to work tonight.

The Merry Month of May

One more month until summer holidays begin, and I can be back near the ocean. Until then, my work calendar is looking a bit crowded. Work at EA has increased significantly for the next little while as several games are moving speedily along in their development. Instead of my 1 – 2x a week, this week I am there 4x (was almost 5, but there was a conflict in my schedule). While I am excited with what we are doing, it is starting to bite into my academic schedule in ways I had not originally foreseen when I took it on.

CGSA is fast approaching. Have to get our paper and presentation squared away. I am excited with how it is shaping up and hope that it goes over well. While girls and games is not my usual research niche, there are a few things that I have quietly grappled with over the years about the existing literature and market, and this research is finally allowing me to deal with it head on. The work we submitted to DiGRA (fingers crossed) follows the same theme, but with a more analytical approach and deeper ethnography. Two things I have missed tremendously over the last two years.

I am trying to work through the papers for my comprehensive exams, which have been delayed due to a myriad of factors. I feel as though I have been working in a bubble for the last two months. It is hard to know if you are remotely on the right track when you work alone (and from home). While I lament my situation, I know that it is the ‘solitary’ nature of the PhD – or so I have been told by many senior academics from a wide range of institutions and generations. So, I trudge on, dangerously straddling the line of being confident in what I am doing and feeling lost at sea. Regardless, as I always say, it will not last forever! My comps will get done, and I will get to move on from this point soon enough (keeping with the theme of time flying).

On a personal note, my daughter graduates high school in June and there is a lot of preperation with prom stuff, grad ceremony planning, grad class trip planning and the grad party afterward. When they are young, it is so hard to imagine that they will be so big and independent. Now that it’s here, I am both amazed and stunned; proud and sad that we are here.

Technoculture, Art and Games – Biennale de Montréal Event(s)

TAG will be a part of this year’s Biennale Montréal – Culture Libre/Open Culture . Check out the events below!

By Lynn Hughes et Bart Simon.
Between May 1st and 17th, the public is invited to look in on, or join in with, the TAG group’s activities. The Technoculture Art and Games group is made of people from all kinds of disciplines involving digital games that are used as a way to think, talk and create together. Come and see research and creation in action, ask questions, attend stimulating presentations and demonstrations about games and digital culture — or just come to play unusual games.

Coordinated by Lynn Hughes and Bart Simon, with the collaboration of Concordia University.

Continue reading “Technoculture, Art and Games – Biennale de Montréal Event(s)”

Game Studies – New Issue

A new issue of Game Studies – Special Issue – EQ 10 Years Later has just come out. This issue is dear to my heart not only because of the fact that we (Bart Simon & Mark Silverman) have an article in the issue, but also because it is the game that brought me to game studies. The game that has been an impossible benchmark for any other mmo’ since I stopped playing (regularly) in 2004, and that with the mere mention of its name, brings back a flood of memories and ridiculously long stories.

Thinking After Dark: Day Two

After a hectic morning of family stuff, I managed to make my way to one of the sessions today – one a bit closer to my own research – on the “Corporeal Foundations of Horror” – my re-titling would be “Avatar, Bodies and Gameplay”.  Both presentations in this session were very interesting. The first one, by Brendan Main (The Imperfect Avatar: Experiences of immersion in horror video games) got pretty theoretical while talking about the differences between traditional perspectives on avatars in videogames, and avatars in horror games. Using theories of synchronization, concepts of the virtual and the actual; he focused on the different ways immersion occurs in horror games, his talk contrasted the ‘perfect avatar’ which “provides a continguous experience through familiarity, synchronicity, and responsivity” with his notion of the ‘imperfect avatar’, which in certain horror games rejects those elements “in favor of alienation, asynchronicity and irresponsive control”. While I usually try to give a run down of panel talks from my own point of view, I had to quote the abstract in the program to make sure I got it straight. I will be very interested in reading the full article when it comes out in a special issue of Loading… Journal of Canadian Game Studies.

Finally, Bernard Perron (Le Survival Horror: Prolongement du genre corporeal) spoke of his work on the relationship between the actions on the screen and the body’s (re)actions, reuniting the ‘head to the body’ – something that cinema – to some extent – failed to do. This talk was in french – but was quite interesting. Bernard always has great game clips, which always brings full animation to his talks.

At this point we had to break for lunch – for some, that meant leaving the conference venue (always a dangerous thing – spreading out the attendees!) and of course, while I was out – everyday life crashed in, and I had to go home to get ready for an evening of moderating at EA (my part time job outside of my PhD).

Hopefully, I will be able to wake up and get myself together in time to make it to the final day of the conference – I really want to see the keynote speaker – Simon Niedenthal (at 9:30am) – afterwards, I have to empty my office and get a coat of paint or two on the walls before dragging the mounds of books, files and games back in so that I can be back to work by Monday.

To anyone in town for the conference – enjoy the great spring weather we are having  and hope you get to take advantage of the great terraces Montreal is known for.